4 “Insignificant” Skills For Connecting With People That Are Actually Very Significant
In 2005, a VP operations sat in on a customer service training program we had created for her company. It was the first of several groups we would be working with. Her feedback on the course was that, while the group had obviously enjoyed it, she felt the content included too many ‘insignificant’ skills — ones unlikely to make a difference. The two examples she gave didn’t surprise me, as neither was complex and could easily be seen as unnecessary.
Rather than launch into a debate about them, I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse: It was a Friday, so I asked her to try both of the skills over the weekend. If she still felt them to be insignificant after that, we would remove them from the training — plus she would not be charged tor the day of training her people had just received.
"Your Check is in The Mail"
She called first thing Monday morning, and said, “You were right. Leave them in. These aren’t just customer service skills — they apply to leadership and everyday life. Your check is in the mail!”
It was true. These were skills and practices that many people — if not most — don’t use, but should. Here are examples of four ‘insignificant’ skills that can make a very significant difference for you at work, and in your personal interactions:
SMILING
A lot of people aren’t comfortable smiling. To many, the whole concept seems trite and unnecessary. Most of the arguments against smiling boil down to some versions of “I’m not comfortable doing it,” and “I try to be authentic when I work, and it just isn’t me.”
While it’s fine to have our personal preferences, in an outward-facing role such as customer service, the reality is that it’s not about us — it’s about the customer. And there is a small mountain of data in retail, healthcare, and other fields that identify smiling as a key factor in creating positive experiences.
As for being ‘authentic,’ my best analogy is this: One of my all-time favourite performances is Michael Crawford singing Music of the Night in The Phantom of the Opera. I’m not alone. People from all over flocked to be at his shows. But imagine if one night he just decided to be authentic, “You know what, I’m just not feeling it.”
It would never happen, of course, because every performer knows it’s about the audience — not them.
Three things we’ve been able to demonstrate in our training is:
- The research is true—people begin judging us in less than 400 milliseconds of seeing us.
- A smile is the only facial expression that is rarely misinterpreted.
- All other facial expressions are easily misinterpreted as being negative.
Complimenting
I’ve written before about the interesting phenomenon that receiving a compliment activates the same part of your brain as if someone has handed you cash.
Giving someone a simple compliment isn’t hard — but most people really struggle to actually do it. We worry that it may appear disingenuous, or make us seem vulnerable or diminished. The irony is that it does the exact opposite. A simple statement to a coworker — “Wow, you nailed that!” — significantly increases your likeability
Apologizing
The concept of apologizing has come under fire over the last few years, with some pundits claiming it’s a sign of weakness. This is particularly the case, they tell us, when we apologize for things that aren’t our fault — like when two people accidentally bump into each other in a grocery store and both say “sorry.”
The truth is that these claims aren’t well supported and should be taken with a very large grain of salt. Apologizing is, in fact, a powerful tool. Data shows that it builds trust, and improves perceptions of reliability and integrity. Even that reflexive “sorry” in the grocery store reduces chances of escalation and reassures the other person that we’re not hostile.
Responding
This is one of the dominant ‘little’ skills that should be in all internal customer service training — because it’s one that is notably absent in today’s workplace.
We send a coworker a note asking for them to look into something, then all we hear is crickets. You forward an email from an upset customer to your boss, asking for thoughts on how to respond. More crickets. Your get an email from a coworker reminding you of the 4:00 deadline. You’re busy working on it and don’t respond. Two hours later you get another email, and an hour after that, an unpleasant phone call.
Ghosting is a horrible practice. It takes 10 seconds to hit ‘reply’ and type: “On it — should be another half hour.” That’s it — just 10 seconds. But when we choose not to respond, we waste everyone’s time and create unnecessary friction with an internal customer. There’s no way to sugar-coat it — ghosting is unprofessional, disrespectful and unproductive.
Here's Your Challenge
Here’s the same challenge I gave to my client twenty years ago: Pick one of these skills you you haven’t been using, and make a conscious effort to use it for just two days. No freebies on this (sorry), but I’m still willing to bet you — and the people around you — will notice a difference.
