This is How to Break Bad News to Customers
Breaking bad news is a part of many jobs. Police officers and surgeons have to tell someone that a loved one has died. Doctors have to break the news to patients they have cancer. Loan officers have to tell people they don’t qualify for a mortgage. Coaches break the news to young players that they didn’t make the team. Managers tell employees they aren’t getting the raise they were hoping for.
It’s the hardest part of any job. Whether we’re just the messenger or the ones who actually made the bad-news decisions, it’s not fun.
Early on in my career, I noticed that some people seem to handle this difficult messaging better than others. At first, I thought of them as ‘naturals’ – somehow wired to handle these conversations better than others. But as I studied them, I learned that it’s not an innate trait at all. These ‘naturals’ are actually executing a set of core skills that help them minimize the trauma—for both them and their customers. These are some of them:
The myth of how to break bad news
The first thing we have to do is rethink the most common advice about breaking bad news: “Don’t take it personally. Stay detached.” It sounds good in theory, and I used to believe in it. Too much emotion on your part can quickly overwhelm the conversation and make it about you instead of the other person. It can also have a negative impact on your own mental state. The problem, though, is that if you detach too much, you risk appearing cold and uncaring—leading to even worse outcomes.
It’s the difference between being dispassionate and compassionate. Being compassionate is genuinely empathizing with the impact the bad news will have on the other person, while at the same time staying poised and professional enough to guide them through it.
That’s where ‘taking it personally’ comes in. The essence of empathy is your ability to personally relate to someone’s situation. The old joke, “The secret is to be sincere. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made,” is a joke for a reason. You can’t be sincere without it coming from your heart.
Four first steps to breaking bad news
There is, of course, no one-size-fits-all formula for breaking bad news to people. Every situation and every customer is different—which is why we need to master a number of key skills. In every case, however, the way you begin plays a huge role in your success, and these first steps are usually a good start:
1. Swallow the frog
Mark Twain once wrote: “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning.” The point is that we shouldn’t beat around the bush when it comes to unpleasant tasks. When you have to break bad news to someone, get the message out of the way at the beginning.
“Matt, I’m afraid your loan wasn’t approved.”
2. Acknowledge and empathize
Acknowledge your customers’ perspective, and show that you empathize with it.
“I know this wasn’t the outcome you were hoping for, and I wish I had better news.”
3. Explain the situation
Provide a clear, simple reason without hiding behind jargon or excuses.
“The documents just didn’t show enough assets for us to support it.”
4. Listen and validate
The way people respond to bad news is varied and unpredictable. Anger, sadness, denial, fear, defensiveness are just some of the emotions that will rise to the surface. The best way to deal with it is to listen respectfully, and understand that the words they choose at this moment are being driven by their emotions—not by you. Respond to questions with simple answers that don’t come across as defensive or dismissive. Validate the things they say with statements like. “That’s a really tough situation,” or “It’s going to be hard.”
There’s a payoff to you and your customer
No one enjoys delivering bad news—it’s the very definition of a no-win situation. But you will find that, as you develop skills to help people through their emotional roller coaster, it becomes less stressful. And, although you may not see it, you will also leave an indelible mark on your customers. In these situations, we never forget someone’s kindness and compassion.
