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How to give bad news to customers

This is How to Break Bad News to Customers

The myth of how to break bad news

If you’ve ever had to deliver bad news to someone, you know how hard it is. Whether you’re just the messenger – or the person who actually made the decision leading to the bad news, it is not something you look forward to.

It’s one of the hardest parts of any job.  

Early on, when I started our training and consulting business, I noticed that some people seemed to have a knack for these difficult conversations. At first, I thought it was something that just came naturally to them—that they were somehow inherently wired for it.

But the more people I met with this ability, and the closer I studied them, I realized that it isn’t an innate trait at all. These ‘naturals’ are actually executing a set of unique skills they’d picked up over the years. Here are just some of the things I learned from them:

Take it Personally

Have you ever had someone say, “Don’t take it personally. Stay detached.”

It’s common advice, but I recommend you think twice before following it. Yes, it sounds good in theory (and, to be perfectly honest, I actually used to teach it—right up until I learned how counterproductive it was).

The purpose of this advice is to create an emotional shield so that the interaction doesn’t negatively impact your whole day. The problem is that this same emotional detachment can also lead to you appearing cold and uncaring—which almost always creates worse outcomes.

We don’t want to be dispassionate. What will achieve the best results for your customer and yourself is to be compassionate. You want to genuinely empathize with the impact the bad news is having on the other person—at the same time staying poised and professional.

The need for compassion is where ‘taking it personally’ comes in. The very essence of empathy is personally relating to another’s situation. The old joke, “The secret is to be sincere. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made,” is a joke for a reason. You can’t be sincere and you can’t have compassion without it coming from your heart.

Four first steps to breaking bad news

There is, of course, no one-size-fits-all formula for breaking bad news to people. Every situation and every customer is different—which is why we need to develop a broad suite of skills. One thing is certain: the way you begin the interaction is critical. These four steps are usually a good start:

1. Swallow the frog

Take a page from Mark Twain, who once wrote: “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning.” The point is that we shouldn’t beat around the bush when it comes to unpleasant tasks. When you have to break bad news to someone, get the message out of the way at the beginning.

“Matt, I’m afraid your loan wasn’t approved.”

“Angelica, I’m afraid your delivery is going to be delayed.”

Skip the painful preamble – swallow the frog.

2. Acknowledge and empathize

Let your customer know that you understand the impact your news is having—and that you wish it could be different.

“I know this wasn’t the outcome you were hoping for, and I wish I had better news.”

3. Explain the situation

Provide a clear, simple explanation. Don’t hide behind jargon or excuses. Don’t sugarcoat things or be evasive. Give them the facts.

“The documents just didn’t show enough assets for us to support it.”

4. Listen and validate

The way people respond to bad news is varied and unpredictable. Anger, sadness, denial, fear, defensiveness are just some of the emotions that will rise to the surface. The best way to deal with it is to listen respectfully, and understand that the words they choose at this moment are being driven by their emotions—not by you.

Don’t argue. Don’t come across as defensive or dismissive. Just listen. Validate the things they say with statements like: “That’s a really tough situation,” or “It’s going to be hard.”

There’s a payoff to you and your customer

No one enjoys delivering bad news—it’s the very definition of a no-win situation. But you will find that, as you develop skills to help people through their emotional roller coaster, it becomes less stressful. And, although you may not see it, you will also be leaving an indelible mark on your customers. In these situations, we never forget someone’s kindness and compassion.

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