Have an Angry Customer? Do This First
Last December, I was in line at a big bookstore. It was packed, and the woman in front of me was not happy. Have you ever been behind someone, and even without seeing their face that they’re really angry? Yeah. That was her.
This store had a confusing layout, with displays scattered everywhere and a winding, hard-to-follow queue. Apparently, she’d been standing in the wrong spot for five minutes, not realizing she wasn’t in line. When she finally got to the counter, she started yelling at the employee: “This is the stupidest lineup I’ve ever seen! I waited five minutes for nothing! Who designs a store like this? I don’t have time for this!”
The poor employee had no idea what to do. He apologized, but that seemed to just make her angrier. It went on for over a minute—a long time to have someone yelling at you. At that point, I stepped in to intervene—something I’ve only ever done once before. (She then started yelling at me, but at least she was leaving the poor employee alone.) She eventually stomped off.
This should be your go-to response for angry customers
If you’ve ever been in a customer service role, you’ve likely had at least one Customer from Hell—although situations like the one in the book store are, fortunately, rare. Because they’re rare, though, we don’t get the opportunity to learn how to deal with them.
There are a number of effective strategies for dealing with angry customers, but here’s one response that should be your go-to: Step to the customer’s side
Stepping to someone's side has two parts
There are two simple parts to stepping to a customer’s side:
1. Acknowledge it exists.
Don’t argue. Don’t try to explain or justify why something happened. Just acknowledge the issue.
2. Validate their frustration
Let customers know that, from their perspective, they have a right to be frustrated. You don’t have to agree with them, but you can see why they would feel that way.
Here’s how the bookstore employee could have responded:
“I get it. The lineup isn’t really intuitive, and when things like this happen, it’s super frustrating-particularly this time of year. I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
Stepping to someone’s side, of course, doesn’t magically make everything all better. Your angry customer will still be angry. But it will help to dial down the emotions so that the rest of the interaction can go more smoothly.
Here's why it works
When a customer is angry and begins yelling, their brain is in “Me against you” mode. Something has happened to ME, and YOU (or your company) are to blame. In their mind, it’s you and the customer, face to face, with whatever the issue is between you. When you step to the customer’s side, it momentarily breaks that pattern. They were ready for a fight or an argument, but aren’t getting one. It disrupts the script going through their head and sends the message that maybe you’re not the enemy after all.
This technique is just the beginning, of course. There are things you need to do after this to continue deescalating. But stepping to someone’s side is the first step to turning the interaction around.
